Step 2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
I was quite convinced that I would come to Alcoholics Anonymous and skip the “God steps”. Why? They made me a little uncomfortable – not because I don’t believe in God or because I thought I wasn’t insane, but because the God that I knew was not the type of God that would really care about me and would take the time to help me. And, of course, I know everything and didn’t need any help from anyone – even God.
I can’t even begin to articulate how wrong I was on both points. Believe me, the things I was doing were insane. Crazy crazy crazy insane. Insane so much that I don’t understand why I’m not dead, in jail, divorced, or why I haven’t fallen off the ledge. Let me tell you – I’ve stood at the precipice so many times that I’ve lost count. I’ve always thought that I was somewhat of a lucky guy – that I led a charmed life. God knows that I had literally hundreds of opportunities to screw up my life. I drove drunk more times than I can remember – but mostly don’t remember. I justified it by driving short distances and thinking that I would have to be exceptionally unlucky to get tagged for a dui. I was lucky. There’s lot of other stupid things that I’ve done as well… as a matter of fact, every single stupid thing I’ve ever done in my life has been related to drinking. You don’t need to know the details – if you’re reading this you probably know what most of them are anyway.
After spending a little time in the program (the Alcoholics Anonymous program), I have come to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. That power? God. I’ve realized that time and time again it has been God standing by my side. I don’t understand why God is watching over me – I’m still having difficulty believing that I’m good enough for him to worry about. That I’m worthy of being saved. And while I don’t mean “saved” as in “Saved and brought to the Lord”, I mean “saved as in my life not disintegrating” or “saved as in not killing myself” or “saved as in not losing my wife and kids”. That kind of saved. And, perhaps, that’s what “Saved and brought to the Lord” means after all?
Thanks for reading, and thanks for helping me to not drink today.
dan