I started drinking when I was 15 and kept it up for a good thirty years. Thank the good Lord that I found the rooms and was able to put a stop to it when I was 45. I’m 58 now (58 and a couple of months), and am pretty shocked that I made it this far.
For the most part, I did stupid stuff. Almost all of the stupid stuff I did in my life was related to drinking. If I had really truly thought about it back when I was drinking I would have never believed that I would a. Be able to stop drinking, b. Would be alive, or c. Not be locked up for killing somebody when out driving drunk. That’s, you know, if I had bothered to really think about it. There was also a tremendous amount of apathy in my life – where I just didn’t care about what happened tomorrow. Or what happened to my family. God, what a horrible way to live life.
So… here we are thirteen years later. If you’ve read along on my blog, you’ll know that within a week or two of finding AA I had to go out an reserve this domain and start writing. I had grand ambitions for the site – that I would document my story on a, gasp, daily basis. Or maybe weekly. Or maybe monthly. Ha! What I’ve learned about myself all these years later is that my story isn’t really that unique. It matters to me (now), and it certainly matters to those that I love and those who love me. Ultimately I really didn’t have it in me to write every day or every month even. Fortunately, I did have the ability to not drink every single day. That’s what saved me – and, if you’re still out there, that’s what will save you. Just not drinking today.
It was harder than it sounds and I realize that I’m an exceptionally lucky guy. I found a good home group and did my 90 in 90. I continued with that group on a daily basis for a number of years. Then it became a weekly thing as other things in my life required my presence. What never changed, though, is the daily gratitude that I show to God for giving me the strength to become the man I am today.
So… 13 years? Wow, what in the world can happen in 13 years? Well, my kids both graduated high school. And then college. And one of them is going to be a dentist and will have graduated dental school in less than a year. Seriously, by the next time I come back here to post, my kid will have become a dentist. That’s pretty wild. And my other kid? He’s 23 and graduated college in three and a half years and is a Civil Engineer. More importantly, he has a J.O.B. and is working in his degree field. That’s pretty awesome considering that I barely made it through high school and college just wan’t the path for me.
My wife hasn’t kicked me out, which is one of the mysteries of the universe. We’ve packed up and moved from the Chicago area to near the beach in South Carolina. I’m not quite retired yet, but am definitely living the retired lifestyle. In fact, (snicker), I’m sitting here in my pool typing away on my iPad. And to think, I was all ready to give it all up just to have a beer. How stupid could I be? Yeah, remember that part when I told my story a few years back? Every stupid thing I’ve ever done started with alcohol.
My wife was a good sport and attended my 40th year high school reunion a few months back. We got in the car and drove up to Atlanta, where I grew up & attended high school, and hung out with people I hadn’t seen in, well, 40 years. I wasn’t an athlete or popular kid in high school, I just had my clique and hung out with a few pals and we did our thing and then got started on life. It was fun to reminisce with the people with whom I had shared experiences in those early years, and there were all types. I did have an opportunity to say hello to the kid that was there for my first drink when I was 15. We got our hands on a six pack of “Mickey’s Big Mouth” and went down to a fort we had built in the woods. Honest, he looked great. I have no idea whether alcohol grabbed ahold of him the way that it did me, but it was good to say hello and catch up with one another. Glad he’s not dead. Hell, I’m glad *I’m* not dead. Which is kind of funny, because that was something I could have cared less about, oh, about 13 1/2 years ago. Funny how life works out.
I realize that I’m super fortunate that I was able to recognize that I was an alcoholic and to take steps to stop drinking. I know my wife and kids appreciate it. Hell, I appreciate it.
Ok, just a short note for now. My wife and I are having dinner tonight with yet another friend from high school who happens to be in town. That’s what happens when you live near the beach – everybody wants to catch up and come visit. I can’t tell you how glad I am that I’m living a sober life.
Dan